Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A desire for the other
I have thought thousands of times about my future as a mother, and I've longed for that blessing. My best friend reminds me all the time that I continue to talk about my role as a mother, yet never as a wife. I don't know why I never express a desire and long for the other...even though deep down, I desire it more than anything. I've been thinking about this for a long time now. And I think I have realized that maybe it's because I know I can love children...and I know they will love me back. I've not had many experiences with truly loving a man...and knowing that he truly loves me. All of the relationships that I have had have been either destructive, or not meaningful. So I know that I need to develop a desire for this other side of my future--I know that. Maybe it's just that I doubt that I can be truly loved by a man...they're just harder to convice, ya know?
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2 comments:
One of the hardest things to hear is your doubt about yourself because all of us that know you, know you are the easiest person to know and love. I keep thinking that as the days pass in this wait you have done so many good things and improved so many things in your life...you never have wasted a day but tried to make everyday the best and most rewarding that you could. Whoever ends up with you will be the luckiest man on earth...Im going to slap him first for taking so long to show up ... then he can be happy being with the all time tender heart!!
Your friend had such insight about the wife thing...and about slapping the guy first!
Thanks for sharing this with everyone. I am sure it is hard to open up but we can all learn from you!
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