Living it and learning to love it

I've always had big dreams. Dreams of my future and what it would/could be like. Thinking I'd probably be married around 20 or so, and by the time I was 30 have 2 or 3 kids or so.

Of course, it hasn't happened.

I'm 33, and still single--with not really any prospects or much dating going on. I'm a little unsure about the future as time keeps going on. I'm feeling a little 'non-trusty' with Heavenly Father, and trying to learn to trust Him and His plan for me.

So...in the meantime, I am trying to live it and learn to love it. Trying to enjoy me and enjoy what I am doing as a single-me. Trying to decide what I want to do if this dream never rolls around for me, or if it's another 33 years 'till it comes my way.

Timing

Had lots of thoughts lately. Trying to figure out where I fit in life and what I am supposed to be doing.

Went to talk to the bishop about my feelings of wanting to feel a "part" of something again in the church.

Here's what he said...

"Is this interview one that you set up on your own, or were you called in?"

"I set it up on my own. I really have felt sort of lost lately, and have been debating on leaving this ward and attending the branch where I live".

"Well, I really can't believe this. Your timing is perfect, and inspired. I have a calling to extend to you. Your name has come up for 3 different callings in the last 24 hours. It's a big calling. I think you will feel "part" of something. Would you like to accept it?"

"Yes".

Guess there's my answer.

Single ward.

Single...or...family ward?

Lately I have been having a really hard time, spiritually. Just sort of feeling lost in a ward where I don't know people, and don't go--or want to go to activities, etc. I've done the whole transition before of going from a single's ward to a family ward, and felt 100% MORE lost, and so I made the decision to go back into the older mid-single's ward that I was in previously.

For quite some time I have just felt lost there. Completely to the point where I don't want to go to church.

And....I don't want that, I know. I know that I know better than that, my faith is stronger than that, and I would never just stop going completely...it's against my nature.

So today I decided to attend the ward that I would go to if I wasn't going to the single's ward. It's a branch. I walked in and instantly felt a part of it. I counted the people. 60. What?! Before church was over, at least 10 people had come up to me to introduce themselves to me and try to get me to start coming to this branch.

I'm torn. For me mostly...I just need to feel a 'part' of something. And switching to this branch will definitely help me feel like that...but, of course, there aren't any single people attending that ward (maybe 3?). And so it would take me away from a 'single's scene'.

But I feel like spiritually, I need this.

What to do...