Singles Websites

So I have been off of the whole dating scene on the singles websites for quite some time now.

I just hate them...

There is so much false hope there-and so much devastation to your self esteem-atleast that is how my experience with them has been. It's like you read someone's profile and they seem great and then you meet them in person, and they're nothing like they said they were. Or, you think a person sounds really cool and makes a good match with you, and so you get brave and send them a quick email on the site...and then they write back a quick one-liner and don't ask you any questions at all, so you feel like they looked at your profile and weren't interested, and they are just emailing you back to be nice. Or, they don't email back at all-and your self esteem is shot.

I recently got back on one of the sites and posted some new pics, and all of a sudden people are writing me...and I got the false hope again...and then the slams to my self esteem.

Dating sucks, and I'm sick of it. I'm so ready to just throw in the towel.

Waiting

Have you ever had one of those experiences that you just can't explain? Or understand? Or completely believe, even though you know deep down that it's true?

Today I did.

I just had the strongest feeling that there are little people upstairs waiting to come down. I've felt this before, but today it was stronger than ever and it made me feel like they are 'sick and tired' of waiting.

SO, what am I not doing to not get them here....I've got to evaluate this....

Best video, evah!

Ok, so I grinned from ear to ear watching this. Someday, someday, I will have as much excitement and feel this happy when I finally find someone to share my life with. Here's hoping it's coming for me sooner than later...Enjoy.

Yearnings...and doubts

I love holidays, but they are kind of hard for me.

As always, I yearn to have a family of my own to celebrate them with. I enjoy reading people's blogs about their little families, I love celebrating with friends and families at their weddings, I am always excited to celebrate the holidays with those I love who have little families of their own...

But at times it does get me down, doubting...will this ever happen-for ME? Doubts play a big role in my ability to be social and to go out and meet guys. Because my thinking always turns to--"I'm 32, still single, and never ever date...is there really someone out there still for me?"

I'm not here to rant, and hopefully don't sound depressed...just wanted to say that I have yearnings and doubts...and would love someday, whenever God's timing is right, to have a little family of my own to celebrate with...

So here goes...

Ok. so no.

A move is out of the question.

I finally came to a realization that I came here to Pleasant Grove for a certain reason...I'm just not sure of what that is right now. I know I needed a quiet place to finish writing my thesis, but now it's over and I still feel like there's more that I need to do here.

Hmpf.

And so, I'm staying. Atleast for another year or so. And I have to say that things are looking great for me. Summer is here and I just feel good about taking some "me" time...losing this thesis-gained weight, and really focusing on getting my life back in order. My friend said to me the other day that instead of trying to get back to the "me" I was before graduate school-like I've been saying over and over, maybe I just need to rediscover who I am in a new way...because I am, of course, a changed person. I'm a new person, I think...and I want to find out just who that person is.

So here goes...

To do, or not to do...

Should I move...

I just don't know what's right for me. I moved here a year ago to sort of get-away so that I could finish off my thesis. I also had hopes that by the time I finished it, that I'd found a husband and could move on to that stage of life. But that for me, just has not happened.

So I'm at this crossroads right now...move, or not move. Living here in PG hasn't allowed me much of a social life...I live in a totally young married neighborhood, and I attend a young married ward. I need to be around people my age...and so, I've contemplated this move. Hopefully a move where I can buy something again, so I can stop throwing my money away.

We'll see.

I just really wish I knew what God wanted me to do...

Doubts & Plummeting

This happens every time I finish something...

I plummet.

I was talking with a single friend of mine in our 'family' ward about how down in the dumps I have been lately...and she feels the same way. I've had a 'boyfriend' for three years...well, OK...a 'thesis' boyfriend. And now, I'm dumped. What I mean is I've relied on that for my source of companionship for the last 3 years, and now that it's completed, I feel like I'm all alone again, but this time, it feels way worse.

And it's a rut I can't get out of.

I wish somehow I could see the vision of the future that I've been told is ahead of me...but I just feel like it's not there, and never will be.

I'm totally doubtful.